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Post by ¢¾¢¾The_Blue_Blur¢¾¢¾ on Nov 18, 2009 16:11:16 GMT -5
 I turned to see a werewolf. A brown and black werewolf. I was frightened. It jumped over me and growled harshly. "Why are you on the Quitelete Territory?!" The werewolf growled harshly. "Territory?! Hey, you little werewolf, you smelly, stupid DOG THIS-" Renesmee put a pretend circle in the air, "IS NOT YOUR TERRITORY. It is M-I-N-E. ALL MINE." The werewolf backed up. "Heh, that's what I thought, dog." Renesmee said teasingly. Suddenly, Edward appeared in front of Renesmee. 'Why?' She thought. The werewolf rammed into Edward, which in the process, he fell. Renesmee ran up to him. "Edward! I'm so sorry...are...are you ok?" She asked. The werewolf snorted in triumph. Before it left, it said, "Don't come on MY territory. EVER AGAIN." Edward hissed. He got up and turned to Renesmee. "What were you thinking, coming up here on Quitelete Territory?!" He hissed. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't know, Edward!" Edward snorted in astonishment, "Riiight. I've been telling you this for years, vampire. You should have it drilled in your head. Now go back to Carlisle's house," Edward ordered. Renesmee's shoulders dropped, as she walked back to The Cullen's house in sadness. Chapter 1: The Dream |
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Post by tailsking on Nov 18, 2009 20:03:27 GMT -5
Nice story, dude. Didn't know you were a Twifan.
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Post by ¢¾¢¾The_Blue_Blur¢¾¢¾ on Nov 19, 2009 10:50:48 GMT -5
Heh. Thank you.
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Post by tailsking on Nov 19, 2009 15:16:00 GMT -5
Mhmm.
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Post by ¢¾¢¾The_Blue_Blur¢¾¢¾ on Nov 19, 2009 15:18:01 GMT -5
Um...I will start Chapter 1 later. My mind is blank for ideas right now.
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Post by »Propaganda Minister« on Nov 19, 2009 23:24:54 GMT -5
This needs to be a LOT more descriptive. It's way too short.
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demon amy
Shadow Fellow
Not recolor is demon
Posts: 89
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Post by demon amy on Nov 20, 2009 6:57:51 GMT -5
That just his prolouge.
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Post by william on Nov 20, 2009 12:00:24 GMT -5
Prolouges provide a setting and a bit of information about the main character(s). Im reading this and I have no idea whats going on, this is possibly cause this seems to be twilight fanfic and I know little about twilight, still its lacking detail and information.
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Post by Super Tailz on Nov 20, 2009 15:08:27 GMT -5
How is it lacking detail and information?
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Post by ¢¾¢¾The_Blue_Blur¢¾¢¾ on Nov 20, 2009 15:16:54 GMT -5
Ok, I see how...I will try to...but I need ideas.
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Post by regan on Nov 21, 2009 9:38:53 GMT -5
I love it!
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Post by Super Tailz on Nov 21, 2009 9:41:35 GMT -5
It needs more details. True writers don't need ideas.
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Post by william on Nov 21, 2009 15:05:54 GMT -5
You must be kidding, true writers don't talk out of there ass idiot. As for the lack of details, I mean theres no reasons for why the characters were there, there was no background, it was just this
So and so did this
Whats his name came and did this
Suddenly this happened
So and so is sad
Thats pretty much the details in a nutshell.
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Post by »Propaganda Minister« on Nov 22, 2009 7:53:25 GMT -5
Seriously, go and read. Read books. Lots of them. That's how I learned to write fiction, and Now You Can Too. Learn from other peoples' writing (not Twilight).
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Post by Super Tailz on Nov 22, 2009 15:34:17 GMT -5
If he wants to write Twilight, he can.
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